The Adventures of #TPC (a random IRC story)

[WhoKnows_WhoCares]

This would normally go into Chat Quotes, as this occured in our IRC chatroom - but due to the length and complete uniqueness of this means it requires its own topic. So basically this just randomly happened out of bordness and complete insanity... there are 4 major people in this (although 2 others were in the room at the time, Eevee and Zero, but they dont partake in this) - Shrinehme decided he was on a ship chasing a whale, Tatsu is the ever obedient crew memeber, I decided to chip in as the real captain of the ship and Ryan659... well you'll see

So here we present, in all its crazy glory, with no kind of preplanned idea or anything - The full, unedited Adventrues of #TPC

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[20:59] <Shrinehme> How goez it?
[20:59] <Tatsu> it goez...
[21:00] <Shrinehme> HOLD THAT THOUGHT
[21:00] <Shrinehme> GENTLEMEN
[21:00] <Shrinehme> WE HAVE A SITUATION
[21:00] <Tatsu> Is it bad?
[21:01] <Shrinehme> THE ENEMY IS APPROACHING
[21:01] <Shrinehme> MAN YOUR STATIONS
[21:01] <Shrinehme> Don't just stand there!
[21:01] <Tatsu> :O!
[21:01] <Tatsu> What sations?
[21:02] <Shrinehme> I've been waiting for this day
[21:02] <Shrinehme> for all my life
[21:02] <Shrinehme> Sirs
[21:02] <Shrinehme> We gaze upon
[21:02] <Shrinehme> Tthe fiercest beast
[21:02] <Shrinehme> to roam upon our land.
[21:02] <Tatsu> Do we get to see earthend?
[21:02] <Shrinehme> The Green Land-Whale
[21:03] <Shrinehme> No, we don't.
[21:03] <Tatsu> No earthend?
[21:03] <Shrinehme> Weapons at ready!
[21:03] <Shrinehme> ...!
[21:03] <Shrinehme> Yarrr, she's fast.
[21:03] * Tatsu readys toy sword
[21:03] <Shrinehme> Faster than I thought
[21:03] <Shrinehme> Gentlemen, we must wait for the right opportunity to strike...
[21:04] <Shrinehme> EGAAAADS
[21:04] <Shrinehme> THE WHALE IS RAMMING OUR SHIP
[21:04] <Shrinehme> TOO FAST
[21:04] <Shrinehme> TATSU, OPEN FIRE
[21:04] * Tatsu fires
[21:05] <Shrinehme> TOO FAST
[21:05] <Shrinehme> She escapes!
[21:05] <Tatsu> But but
[21:05] <Shrinehme> Tatsu, give me the damage report
[21:05] <Tatsu> we lost two men and half the ship
[21:05] <Shrinehme> Good
[21:05] <Tatsu> and Ryan drank all the rum
[21:05] <Tatsu> again
[21:05] <Shrinehme> We suffer no serious casualties
[21:06] <Shrinehme> We pursue the whale!
[21:06] <Shrinehme> Full speeed!
[21:06] <Tatsu> I thought this was a land-whale
[21:06] <Tatsu> why are we on a boat
[21:07] <Shrinehme> What's this?!
[21:07] <Shrinehme> Where is the whale going?!
[21:07] <Shrinehme> Yarr, who be the scallywag in the bird's nest?
[21:07] <Tatsu> That'd be Zero, sir
[21:07] <Shrinehme> Zero?!
[21:07] <Tatsu> He was one of the 2 men we lost
[21:08] <Shrinehme> Zero, where is the whale leading us?!
[21:08] <Shrinehme> EGADS
[21:09] <Shrinehme> Tatsu
[21:09] <Shrinehme> Why isn't Zero responding?
[21:09] <Tatsu> we lost him in the fight
[21:09] <Shrinehme> Oh
[21:09] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> And what exactly is going on here?
[21:10] <Shrinehme> Ace!
[21:10] <Tatsu> The Green Land-Whale
[21:10] <Shrinehme> you're alive!
[21:10] <Tatsu> (I think nehme forgot to take his medicine)
[21:10] <Shrinehme> !!!
[21:10] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> yes, both the reports of my death and your promotion seem greatly exagerated
[21:10] <Shrinehme> The whale is leading us to the ocean!
[21:11] <Shrinehme> Gentlemen! We're in for some trouble!
[21:11] <Tatsu> What does the Land-Whale want with the ocean?
[21:11] <Shrinehme> It must be...
[21:11] <Shrinehme> a trap!!!
[21:11] <Shrinehme> He knows our boat can't swim!
[21:11] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> something to do with drowing the desert - dont you read the super top secret, for my eyes only reports?
[21:12] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> i'd call them intellegence reports, but there's no intellegence anywhere around here
[21:12] <Shrinehme> Yarr, don't be signing when there are weapons to man, swabbie!
[21:13] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> who are you calling swabbie?
[21:13] <Shrinehme> I'll give that whale the chase of its life
[21:13] <Shrinehme> Turn on the urbo engines!
[21:13] <Shrinehme> Release the wings!
[21:13] <Shrinehme> Prepare for take off!!!
[21:13] <Tatsu> Yessir
[21:13] * Ryan659 fires a missle at Shrinehme's...thing.
[21:14] <Shrinehme> Yarrr
[21:14] <Shrinehme> Who be at the steering wheel?
[21:14] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> belay that order... the urbo enhines are out of order and that man isnt in charge around here
[21:14] <Shrinehme> EGADS
[21:14] <Shrinehme> We're hit!
[21:15] <Ryan659> *evil cackle*
[21:15] <Tatsu> That can't be good!
[21:15] <Tatsu> Shall we return fire?
[21:15] <Shrinehme> Arrrgh that csly whale
[21:15] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> no, return water
[21:15] <Shrinehme> Ace!
[21:15] <Shrinehme> Take my hapoon!
[21:15] <Shrinehme> I'll take the steering wheel
[21:16] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> well its about time you got back to your post...
[21:16] <Shrinehme> I'll draw up right next to the whale...
[21:16] <Shrinehme> then we'll open water!
[21:17] <Shrinehme> Tharrr she is...
[21:17] <Shrinehme> GENTLEMEN
[21:17] <Shrinehme> OPEN WATERRR
[21:17] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> open all batteries... i could do with more energy for my fan
[21:17] <Tatsu> ...What does open water mean anyway
[21:17] <Shrinehme> Aim for the eye!
[21:17] <Shrinehme> Here we go!
[21:18] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> its the oposite of open fire tatsu - other alternatives are open air and open earth...
[21:18] * Tatsu opens water
[21:18] * Shrinehme throws Tatsu at the whale's eye
[21:18] <Tatsu> Aaah
[21:18] <Tatsu> But I can't swim!
[21:18] <Shrinehme> WAIT
[21:18] <Shrinehme> I know those eyes...
[21:18] <Shrinehme> Ryan!!!
[21:18] <Shrinehme> You're the whale?!
[21:18] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> how many times must i tell you... DO NOT USE CREW MEMBERS FOR WEAPONS!
[21:19] <Ryan659> Hehe...
[21:19] <Ryan659> Maybe, maybe.
[21:19] <Shrinehme> Yarrr cruel irony
[21:19] * Ryan659 swallows Tatsu whole.
[21:19] <Tatsu> ...it's dark in here :<
[21:19] <Shrinehme> And you're dead?!
[21:19] <Tatsu> By some miracle I seem to be alive
[21:20] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> Shrine, you're orders are to jump into the belly of the whale and hand tatsu a survival kit and a torch to help him survie - get to it
[21:20] * Shrinehme throws Ace at the Ryan's other eye
[21:20] <Shrinehme> Yarr, he beeth dead.
[21:20] <Shrinehme> Sweet victory!
[21:20] <Ryan659> I ain't dead.
[21:20] <Ryan659> Just blinded.
[21:21] <Tatsu> He's blind!
[21:21] <Shrinehme> Huzzah!
[21:21] <Tatsu> Nows the chance!
[21:21] * Ryan659 swallows Ace whole.
[21:21] <Shrinehme> Tonight we celebrate!
[21:21] <Tatsu> Go for the weak point!
[21:21] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> ok here's an amendment to the not using crew members for weapons rule - DO NOT USE YOUR SUPERIORS FOR WEAPONS EITHER
[21:21] <Shrinehme> Tonight is the night we go down in history!
[21:21] <Ryan659> HP: 20/100
[21:21] <Shrinehme> the crew that blinded the great land whale
[21:22] <Shrinehme> Yarrr
[21:22] <Tatsu> It's up to us two then!
[21:22] * Tatsu stamps inside the whales belly
[21:22] <Shrinehme> EGADS
[21:23] <Shrinehme> Where is my crew?!
[21:23] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> so... strike the big danglly thingy in the mouth? that usually works in video games
[21:23] <Tatsu> Genius!
[21:23] <Tatsu> We just need something to strike it with
[21:24] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> here, take my trusty long range pebble thrower
[21:24] <Tatsu> Cool
[21:24] <Tatsu> ...got a pebble?
[21:24] <Shrinehme> I'mma coming, gentlemen!
[21:24] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> got a bag full... here
[21:24] * Shrinehme cuts a hole into Ryan's belly and jumps inside
[21:24] <Tatsu> Why you have these with you I never know
[21:25] * Ryan659 swims away?
[21:25] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> i'm a superior officer, i'm suppose to have these kinds of things... its what makes us superior
[21:25] * Tatsu long range pebble thrower throws a pebble at a long range
[21:25] * Tatsu - and hits the dangly thingy
[21:25] <Shrinehme> The whale is confused!
[21:25] <Shrinehme> Now's out chance!
[21:25] * Ryan659 swerves into a boulder
[21:26] <Tatsu> Great but you the hole is out of reach now
[21:26] <Tatsu> now we stuck
[21:27] * Shrinehme climbs up the whale's throat
[21:27] * Ryan659 swallows
[21:27] <Shrinehme> AAAAAARHG
[21:27] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> i'll just use my teleportation device... that i seem to have left in my other jacket - damn it
[21:27] <Tatsu> You'll have to give us a boost to the hole!
[21:29] <Shrinehme> http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn99 ... e-race.jpg
[21:29] <Tatsu> Very nice but that won't save us from the whale
[21:29] <Tatsu> speaking of which, who's steering the boat
[21:30] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> hopefully the autopilot
[21:31] * Shrinehme builds a cannon
[21:31] <Tatsu> I have no idea how he does that
[21:31] <Shrinehme> Tatsu!
[21:31] <Shrinehme> Man the cannon!
[21:31] <Shrinehme> OPEN FIREEE
[21:31] <Ryan659> What are you building a cannon out of?
[21:31] <Tatsu> I don't like where this is going
[21:31] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> he's trying to become a superior officer... these are the kinds of things he needs to do to become superior
[21:32] * Tatsu fires the cannon
[21:32] <Shrinehme> SUCCESS
[21:32] <Shrinehme> Gentlemen
[21:32] * Ryan659 is eaten by a larger, more menacing land whale
[21:32] <Shrinehme> I can see the light
[21:33] <Shrinehme> And now I can't
[21:33] <Tatsu> What a sticky situation
[21:33] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> if only i rememebered my teleporter device...
[21:33] <Tatsu> we should hit that ones dangly thing
[21:33] <Shrinehme> Hmmm
[21:33] <Shrinehme> I propose a truce
[21:34] <Tatsu> ...a truce?
[21:34] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> a truce with who?
[21:34] <Shrinehme> A trace
[21:34] <Shrinehme> And a truce
[21:34] <Shrinehme> Between us and The Green Land-Whale
[21:34] <Tatsu> Yet another strange plan
[21:34] <Shrinehme> It's out only hope
[21:35] <Shrinehme> We need his cooperation
[21:35] <Tatsu> To do what
[21:35] <Shrinehme> Escape the larger, more menacing whale
[21:35] <Tatsu> How
[21:36] <Shrinehme> Do I look like a captain to you, swallywag?!
[21:36] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> finally he realises his rank
[21:36] <Tatsu> So you don't have a plan?
[21:36] * Ryan659 dies.
[21:36] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> Tatsu, hand me the comunicator - shine, make some kind of signal boster...
[21:36] <Shrinehme> YAAAAARRRRRRRR
[21:36] <Shrinehme> VICTORY IS OURS
[21:37] <Tatsu> Uh oh
[21:37] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> and yet we're still trapped
[21:37] <Tatsu> I dropped the communicator somewhere in the whale
[21:37] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> this is why you'll never get that promotion
[21:37] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> Shrine, do you have a spare comunicator on you?
[21:37] <Shrinehme> VICTORY HULA
[21:38] <Shrinehme> YAARRRRRRR
[21:39] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> well shrine, do you have a comunicator or not?
[21:39] <Shrinehme> I am busy
[21:39] <Tatsu> I think he went crazy already
[21:39] * Shrinehme hulas
[21:39] <Tatsu> I propose we knock sense into him
[21:40] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> well there goes the idea contacting the autopilot
[21:40] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> onto plan f then
[21:40] <Tatsu> plan f already? ;o
[21:40] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> its been a bad day
[21:40] <Tatsu> Is that the one where we offer someone as a sacrifice to the gods?
[21:40] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> no, that's plan G
[21:41] <Shrinehme> I thought Plan F was the one where we hula
[21:41] <Tatsu> g... that's next? oh dear
[21:41] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> no Shine, that's plan H
[21:41] * Ryan659 explodes due to the larger whale going over a land mine
[21:41] <Shrinehme> EGADS
[21:41] <Shrinehme> Gentlemen!
[21:41] <Shrinehme> Stop goffing around!
[21:42] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> and relax tatsu, we pick the person with the lowest mental stability to offer to the gods - you'd have to go majorly psycho to lose to shrine at this rate
[21:42] <Shrinehme> Hula hula for your life!
[21:42] <Tatsu> Due to the whale being so blubbery it appears we survived the explosion and are free
[21:42] <Shrinehme> SUCCESS
[21:42] <Shrinehme> YAAAAAARRR
[21:42] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> well the small whale is out of the big whale anyway
[21:43] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> shouldnt be too hard to escape the small whale now
[21:43] <Tatsu> I propose we make the sacrifice now just in case
[21:43] * Tatsu pulls out large knife
[21:43] <Ryan659> All the while, the stomach acids burn at the men in the whale's belly..
[21:43] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> tatsu, find a whole, shrine, make a whole for him to find
[21:44] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> that's some misplaced acid since we're not in the stomache
[21:44] <Tatsu> I can't find a whole
[21:44] <Tatsu> but I found two halves though
[21:44] <Tatsu> does that mean I found a whole
[21:44] * Ryan659 had indigestion
[21:44] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> i suppose that will have to do
[21:45] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> quick, get rid of the W from the Whole and we'll climb out
[21:45] * Tatsu puts the two halves together to make a hole to escape from
[21:45] * Shrinehme escapes first
[21:45] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> move it tatsu, move it
[21:46] * Tatsu leaps out
[21:46] * &WhoKnows_WhoCares jumps out of the whale
[21:46] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> right then, now we're all out... does anybody remember where we parked the ship?
[21:46] <Tatsu> we left it on autopilot
[21:46] * Shrinehme realizes we're stranded in the ocean
[21:46] <Tatsu> I thuoght they were land whales :O
[21:47] <Shrinehme> Only one was a land whale
[21:47] <Shrinehme> Yarrr
[21:47] <Tatsu> I can't swim though
[21:47] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> thankfully i had the dingy in your poket
[21:48] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> you must remember these things
[21:48] <Tatsu> I can't believe I forgot
[21:50] <Tatsu> so we safe?
[21:50] <Shrinehme> I can't believe he forgot
[21:50] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> it would seem so
[21:51] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> which probably means trouble is just round the corner...
[21:51] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> it has been a bad day
[21:52] <Tatsu> the only things I always have with me is a lighter, a knife, a pistol, a spare lighter, and spare knife, a spare pistol and a teleporter
[21:52] <Tatsu> Which reminds me
[21:53] <Tatsu> me lighter got wet and broke
[21:53] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> ... are you telling me you had a teleporter all along?
[21:53] <Tatsu> ...Oh
[21:53] <Tatsu> right
[21:53] <Tatsu> I forgot that
[21:53] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> dont forget about it...
[21:53] <Tatsu> bit late now
[21:53] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> but congratulations on having it on you at all times
[21:53] <Tatsu> how does it work anyway
[21:53] <&WhoKnows_WhoCares> never leave anywhere without it

[Shrine Sprite]

10/10 would read again.